Something is trying to escape. I haven’t quit found the voice yet, but it’s there trying to get out. As I race around my day, I’ll have a thought, “I need to write about that!”, but in the clamor and busyness of it all, it’s hard to stop long enough to jot down that idea to flesh it out into something cohesive.
I’ve started a blog post here and there but can’t find what it is that’s creeping under the surface. I’ve saved draft after draft thinking I’ll come back to it and know what is missing. So far I haven’t found it.
Am I mad? Happy? Sad? Restless? Satisfied? Wandering? Focused? Driven? Lost? Confused? Determined?
It’s right there just out of reach. I grasp for the thread but it disappears in the shadows as if it never existed.
In the past couple of weeks, some very emotional events have skewed my focus and perhaps the emotions I hadn’t counted on dealing with have caused me to lose contact with what I want to say. Maybe I’m afraid of the words and what they will eventually reveal. Perhaps that fear is unfounded and the words are just a passing thought and when realized I’ll laugh at the silliness of it all. It could be a necessity, a build up of everything and if I don’t relieve the pressure, it will all explode.
I attempt to rid myself of the sticky, tangled spider webs that cling to me as I swat and flinch each time a new strand touches me. It’s a possibility what I really need to do is stop, sit down, relax and be quiet long enough for a cohesive thought to formulate in my head. Perhaps a lack of sleep is causing all of the frustration. The fatigue weighs down my thoughts and my eyes, and lowers a heavy fog over me with an oppressive and uncomfortable feeling. If I stopped long enough it’s possible I might realize fog is just a cloud taking rest close to the ground and a puff of wind or a ray of brilliant sunshine will send it away.
So through this struggled entry a message has materialize in front of me. Rest. With the blessed ease of sleep, the fog will dissipate and reveal the clarity I am straining so hard for. Then it will stand out in bold relief and be relief.