Tired and the Art of Exhaustion

Is there another word to describe tired? If there is, I need it. I am tired on so many different levels and in so many different places there has to be a new word. Looking at a thesaurus I see a bunch of words.

Like exhausted. Yep, that’s me but it’s more than exhaustion it’s deeper than exhaustion. It’s worn into me like a tree growing through a rock. It doesn’t seem like a tree should be able to grow through a rock, but persistence and wear grind through until it shoots through and there it is; a tree growing in a rock.

How about weary. Uh huh. Weary. If weary means I’m fed up with feeling exhausted from the moment I wake up until the time I should go to bed, and then I’m tired but wide awake and unable to fall asleep. The lid to my music box finally closes and I shut my eyes in relief only to have the lid thrown open again and I, like the the little ballerina who spins around, start my dance again because the box seems be endlessly wound.

Wasted. Getting closer! Yep, that one has meaning on several different levels. It could work. Have you ever watched a show about a person addicted to heroin? I feel like those people look when the hit of heroin really kicks in. Eyes drooping, body slack and incapable of functioning normally. The difference is, I don’t WANT to feel like that. I want to be invigorated and energized, but the lack of weariness and exhaustion are like that hit of heroin leaching the life and well being right out of me. My time is wasted by the endless fatigue and it destroys me emotionally because all I can think of is when will I ever get some good sleep.

Perhaps it isn’t just one word. Tired wears you down, it exhausts you physically and emotionally, it wastes your life, your happiness, your relationships. It’s these words and more. I could choose tuckered out, worn out, beat, broken, droopy, or spent. They all describe a part of my “tired” and it’s really all of those and more.

I guess I just need to be satisfied with tired.

I’m tired.

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