mutter mutter mumble

I realized today I have developed a bad habit of muttering and mumbling under my breath about things that make me angry and  know unequivocally I cannot say out loud. I want to be vicious and mean and say awful things out loud but I don’t because if I did it would inflict unheard damage to the essence of the person I’m muttering about. I say them but only so I can hear. Others know I am speaking but have no clue I am being a wretch. They most certainly know I’m unhappy, angry, frustrated by my clamped up huddle. I’m sure I take on the appearance of Gollum as I peer out from underneath the veil of negative emotions.

Behaving this way is a bit like a child having a tantrum without actually throwing myself on the floor kicking and screaming. I need to resolve to quit acting like a child. I’ve been getting after Blossom for the same behavior. It’s no wonder! She has a mommy who does it! If I have to literally bite my tongue to stop this I must stop it. If it’s not worthy of airtime, keep it in the bottle for it certainly is not perfume but a foul odor that will taint my surroundings for the rest of the day.

My Momminess requires me to have a super power. One where I have to sort and prioritize declarations on the fly brought about by forever having too much on my plate, under the rug and behind every door. I’ve been exposed to kryptonite which is rendering my super power weak. My kryptonite is lack of sleep and feeling overwhelmed by jobs that never seem to get done. I seem unable to overcome the sleep aspect but I can beat down the other by requiring more of others to help me get the day to day things done.

I’m restless and unsatisfied. I just need to stop being so hard on myself which is probably the worst kryptonite because it comes from within.

In the meantime, I’ll wait. Try to take five or ten minutes and just be still, quiet and away from everything that fills my head with noise and strive to calm the restlessness.

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Linking up this morning with Shell at Pour Your Heart Out after a morning of frustration and fatigue.

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4 comments on “mutter mutter mumble

  1. It has to come out some how, though. I think taking those quiet moments is a help.

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    • debseeman says:

      I agree and it has to be a moment in the day when I need to regroup. Instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off just sit down. I won’t be getting any less or more done but will gain some calm.

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  2. I read this today at lunch and could not wait to come home and comment…This is so ME! i forget to censor myself in front of my boys and then I’m shocked when they do it…Especially when I’m muttering or giving the evil eye!

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    • debseeman says:

      I know! Right? Goodness! Oh, and I love me some good evil eye, only without the attached muttering and mumbling. The snarky and loud “What did you say?” when they do it makes me feel like such a hypocrite, but I do it anyway. The old rule Do as I say not as I do still applies. 😀

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