Everything to Lose

Neon splashed the rain swept sidewalk in globby hues of purple, and streaks of green and pink. An arched doorway lead to The Violet Cactus, a downtown bar where indie bands entertained throngs of eager fans.

Woolgather, a band on it’s way out of vogue, was playing the night Kira met Owen. He sat square in the middle of the bar counter, monopolizing the bartender with his wit and creative conversation. It was rare when a customer had the mixologist leaning on the bar,  sharing stories and having a friendly palaver with a complete stranger.

Kira always came to the Cactus when Woolgather played. She sat at the end of the bar near the band the best spot, to fully enjoy their set. Owen would catch her eye, wink and smile. She had to work the next day so she was drinking ginger-ale with lime wedges. Half an hour into the set, the bartender walked a drink to the end of the bar nodded toward Owen who rolled his hand down and bowed his head as if to say “your welcome.” In the shape of cool confidence, he strolled to the end of the bar.

It was their beginning. Intriguing, fascinating, enchanting. Kira  captured an elusive good catch guy, one of those mythological creatures friends, mothers and grandmothers wished for their girls.

Everything she could ever want. He took her breath away, and filled her sails, created a new world and made her believe she was the center. He skillfully painted a new life for her, one where she believed she needed nothing more.

He was everything. Until he wasn’t. When the curtain fell and the real Owen materialized, the love and care he crafted seemed to dissolve, and she discovered she was disposable. After four and a half months, it ended swiftly. Tuesday she awoke content and happy. Wednesday dawned. He said it was fun, but he was bored, ready to move on, and her everything vanished. She was no longer courted and cared for. She was sidelined and marginalized. After she staggered back into the light she found herself following a trail of damaged girls in his wake.

Owen scarred her, left her on the side of the road, her heart broken and bleeding. He taught her, getting everything you want has nothing to do with anything.

Getting everything you want just meant you had everything to lose.


I’m sure I’ve broken some cosmic music rule by pairing Vertical Horizon’s “Everything You Want” with a quote from Thom Yorke of Radiohead, but the quote fit the song and the combination of the two helped me get a story started, and this piece bloomed into being.

For the Scriptic.org prompt exchange this week:
Michael at http://MichaelWebb.us gave me this prompt:
Getting everything you want has nothing to do with anything. –Thom Yorke

I gave SAM at http://frommywriteside.wordpress.com this prompt:
The signs of the time are omens. –Switchfoot, “Innocence Again”


May Angels Lead You In

Two weeks ago I began a journey of remember how important it is to appreciate those I love. 20 children were taken from their families in Newtown, Connecticut. Stealing the shared memories and love from the families and friends. I found myself knowing how necessary it is to love and appreciating my kids. To tell them and show them as often as possible.

Sunday, I was pulled soundly to the front and center of the road when a blow fell far closer to home. One of the metaphors for a loved one is to compare them to a bright shining light. When we lose a family member or friend we talk of the light flickering out or ceasing to shine. A very dark veil descended over my family last night when we received frantic, tragic phone calls inciting hurried trips to the hospital where our beautiful boy, my seven month old great-nephew tragically died.

Happy Marcus-edit

Marcus Daniel – May 1, 2012 – December 23, 2012

My big family has stayed, for the most part, right here in the same town and we are neither small nor quiet. A mass of people who belong to me and my siblings, our in-laws and their families converged in the hospital chapel to support and love my niece, her dear husband, and my sister and brother-in-law, grandparents to this beautiful boy, who left us far too soon. Our hearts and souls know he is in the loving embrace of Our God but our hearts and minds are broken with grief. Truly, an innocent, he had to fly instantly into the arms of the One who loves us most.

We have lost so much and the pain is deep, and enduring. Marcus was a first for so many of us. My parents first great-grandson, my sister and brother-in-law’s first grandson, my nieces and nephews first nephew, me and my siblings first great-nephew, my great-niece’s first sibling and brother, most importantly, my niece and her husbands first son. This first has been taken, and no one will fill the Marcus space. This special boy who was our first.


Other lights continue to shine and shower us with blessings and we must not neglect them, the seven little girls, less than five years old, who looked forward to Santa and had no idea what happened. It was our duty to step outside of our profound grief to make a wonderful, joyous Christmas for these girls who are still beacons in the darkness of our grief. We had to spin the dial and refocus so we could see the sunrise beyond the sunset.

As the days pass I realize Marcus’ light hasn’t burned out. Rather it has simply changed location. His light is shining from above. As I prayed, wept and begged God for comfort I found comfort in a vision of our loved ones who have passed. They were waiting for Marcus and the greeting was grand and joy filled. They were all giddy with anticipation as he came to them and they rejoiced with love and laughter as they received our special boy.

Christmas Day brought more sad news from my oldest son. His dog Smallz, who had been with him through hardship and happiness died. Another blow. Painful to lose a beloved pet, but my vision carried on with Smallz in all her diva glory running into Marcus’ baby arms and giving him a face full of puppy kisses.

Grammy and Gigi

My sister, Marcus’ Grammy, snuggling his big sis in grandbaby Christmas blankies she made.

This big, crazy, loud wonderful family is coping and recovering in ones.
One day,
one hour,
one minute,
one breath at a time.
Taking memories one at a time hold them for a moment in our hearts, memorizing an exact heartbeat, a certain expression and cherishing it’s familiarity.
We are encircling each other in loving embraces,
laughing through tears,
and crying through the pain.
It’s all moving us in the right direction where we will heal, but will never forget because there’s a mark tattooed on our hearts.

The mundane and boring are so appealing right now. I want something simple to brighten things. And truly? The simple is a blessing. I need to grab on and savor every boring moment. Hug my loved ones. Tell them I love them. I don’t want to spend a minute regretting what I could have done in any moment because every moment is a gift.


On a day when music was necessary to think beyond the grief, I put my iPod on Genius, chose a category and hit play. The first song that came on was Hear You Me (May Angels Lead You In) by Jimmy Eat World. Truly, it was a God moment and it has become my song for Marcus. Hit play a couple of times and let these lyrics and music sooth your soul. They have done so for me and the family since I shared it on my Facebook wall.


Marcus’ visitation is on Sunday December 30, 2012 from 5-7 p.m. with a vigil and rosary to follow. Funeral Mass will be on Monday Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm at St. Matthews Catholic Church.


Farewell Slumber

A peaceful new  
     slumber found,
   The pain endured, ceased
   Watching in fear
     Waiting with dread
The end, bitter yet sweet
   brings comfort for the finish
     grief for an irretrievable loss

Slumber disrupted
  tears, ache, sorrow
     presence missed
Saying farewell brings angst
   Unease of tears misunderstood
     Comforting kin
        Hurting alone

Tis not goodbye
   Refuse to release
     Memories of laughter
       Recollected passion for life,
         for both clan and comrades
Vestiges of your shadow
   linger in corners, behind doors

Day by day
  the ache recedes
    memories bring smiles
The pain of your absence never erased
  the life you lived
This weeks prompt Over at Velvet Verbosity for the 100 Word Challenge is “Slumber”. I wrote this prompt after my Facebook wall received numerous posts from friends, acquaintances, and bloggers who shared their loss of loved ones. Some sudden, some expected.


Also linking up with Trifecta where they gave the word “New”, 3rd definition which says

3: having been in a relationship or condition but a short time