Her Serene Heart

****You can find the previous chapter of Vivid Black here.

Ray stepped into the garden of St. Therese Monastery and quietly wandered toward Leta who stood amid a carpet of flowers. Gently he slid his hand into hers and she calmly returned the grasp of his familiar hand. She turned to look into a his anguished face, crushed with grief.

“Leta. Sarah Jane.” was all he managed.

Gently she enfolded his shaking form into her own, and softly stroked his hair. They both wept.

He slid his hands up, held her face and tenderly kissed her forehead.

“Baby, she didn’t listen. She went out anyway and, and she’s gone.”

She tipped her head back to look in his eyes, pursed her lips, inhaled deeply and as the breath left her, her shoulders relaxed and her face smoothed into serenity.

“Ray, I knew—”

“But how? Brother John Mary said—“

“No. Not like that. I knew. Something just poured out of me and I knew Sarah Jane was gone. She has been so out of control, so defiant and it’s not your fault. Ray? Do you hear me? It’s not your fault.”

The stress and worry of the past day had no where else to go and his shoulders went slack as he collapsed onto the bench next to them. Leaning his head over the back, he let out the breath he’d been holding since he got the call from Waters. Smiling, Leta looked down at him and touched his cheek. Her serene heart and devoted soul, reminded him that her heartbeat was the other half his.

She took his hands and tugged until he stood. His arm around her waist, their hands joined in front, their love and grief carried them to the Abbot’s office where Leta would leave word of her departure.

Tomorrow would be another day, another test. Tomorrow they would learned how to live with the empty ache. Today Ray needed Leta’s heartbeat and Leta needed Ray’s courage to solve the injustice, to find the monster who killed their daughter.

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Music and how it fills the space in my world has been on my mind a great deal thanks in large part to Lance at “My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog” and his 100 Word Song prompts. I AM a musician, and have a ridiculous collection of CD’s and my iTunes library loaded with more music than will fit on my iPod. Consequently, and a good consequence I think, when I write, if a song isn’t running through my head already, I finish and then starting spinning through the jukebox in my brain for a song to go with the post.

Fix You by Coldplay came quickly when I finished this piece. It fits the emotion and the need between Ray and Leta.

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Trifecta is responsible for inspiring this post with their prompt this week. They give us one word and these instructions:

Your prompt this week is the third definition of:
HEART (noun) — 3: personality, disposition ;

• Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
• You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
• The word itself needs to be included in your response.
• You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.

Farewell Slumber

A peaceful new  
     slumber found,
   The pain endured, ceased
   Watching in fear
     Waiting with dread
The end, bitter yet sweet
   brings comfort for the finish
     grief for an irretrievable loss

Slumber disrupted
  tears, ache, sorrow
     presence missed
Saying farewell brings angst
   Unease of tears misunderstood
     Comforting kin
        Hurting alone

Tis not goodbye
   Refuse to release
     Memories of laughter
       Recollected passion for life,
         for both clan and comrades
Vestiges of your shadow
   linger in corners, behind doors

Day by day
  the ache recedes
    memories bring smiles
The pain of your absence never erased
  the life you lived
    championed,
      cherished,
        beloved.

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This weeks prompt Over at Velvet Verbosity for the 100 Word Challenge is “Slumber”. I wrote this prompt after my Facebook wall received numerous posts from friends, acquaintances, and bloggers who shared their loss of loved ones. Some sudden, some expected.

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Also linking up with Trifecta where they gave the word “New”, 3rd definition which says

3: having been in a relationship or condition but a short time

          

This Too Shall Pass

*****Previous installment of Vivid Black – Posers and Imaginations

https://debbiesdays.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/posers-and-imaginations/

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Henry’s desk was never welcoming, but today it was away from the press, Ray, and the murder scene. Less than 24 hours and an inches thick file waited. He wanted to see what was in Sarah Jane’s possession when she died so he started digging.

Minutes passed and he looked down at papers recklessly strewn across his desk, realizing he had no idea what he had seen and forgotten what he was looking for. Hand fisted to rub his eyes came away damp with tears. He told himself, this too shall pass.

For now, he grieved the vibrant life lost.

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Two prompts for one post.

Lance’s LeeRoy gave the song “This Too Shall Pass” by OK Go as a musical inspiration

and

Velvet Verbosity’s 100 Word Challenge gave the word “Possession”

Deep Grief

*****Previous installment of Vivid Black – Revolution: https://debbiesdays.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/revolution/

*****

Jerrod McEwin grabbed Jacoby, and pulled him off of Henry. Henry, ruffled and flustered from the reaction ran a hand over his hair, then scrubbed emotion from his face, trying to formulate a response.

“Chief, Chief I’m sorry. We’ve got this! I’ve got this! Let the team do their job.”

Jacoby stopped struggling against McEwin, turned and walked away. Breath wrung out of his chest and pinpoints of light flashed in his vision. Emotions wild, uncontainable, mouth pressed hard into his arm he released a muffled, shuddering sob. His beautiful baby girl,  lay ruined, cold, under an ashen waning moon. CSU scoured for clues and evidence, seemingly ignoring the precious missing life.

The beauty and serenity of Solitude Lane was harshly violated by Sarah Jane’s murder. It jangled the senses as the views away from the violation imparted a peaceful autumn glow. The tranquil, winding paths led to park benches and mediation gardens where thoughts could be lost in a wave of whispering breezes. A sense of seclusion followed as each path led deeper into the heart of the park.

Henry approached Jacoby, knowing he had to give him something consoling, to release this boss, this dad from his need to stay. The team was uneasy as they tried to focus on their jobs. Jacoby, usually the one in charge, now the victims father hovered in and out. Henry put an arm over his shoulders and gently urged him toward the Tahoe.

“Chief, Ray. You gotta leave. The guys are chasin’ every shadow, every speck. You’re makin’ them skittish. Go home. Be with your family. I’ll stay with Sarah Jane. I promise.”

Henry ushered him to the open passenger door, and gently pushed him in. A uniform slid in the driver side and patiently waited for Henry to get the boss under control.

As the Tahoe pulled away, Henry turned and slowly drifted back into the chaos.

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Linking up with:

Trifecta: Week Twenty Eight. This weeks word is WILD. Third definition:

3: a (1): not subject to restraint or regulation : uncontrolled; also : unruly

(2) : emotionally overcome <wild with grief>; also : passionately eager or enthusiastic

As always no less than 33 and no more than 333 words.

Enchantment to Heartbreak

The words, like a knife, sliced through jagged and uneven. In it’s wake there was irreparable damage and the life I had know would never be the same. The memory of how I learned my cousin was dead is unclear but the word suicide stands out stark and bold. I wasn’t sure I would ever breath again as the wind was knocked out of me so cleanly and the pain began so quickly and sharply.

The memories, once fond, happy and full of life were rendered to a state of doubt and wondering “Did I miss something?” As time has passed I realized the innocence of our childhood was pure. We roamed our grandparents ranch in a pack of cousins bent on discovery and freedom that most kids could never imagine. We grew up together and apart; together so much during the summer at the ranch or at one another’s homes where our lives were “enchanted”; apart during the school year where we lived our “regular” lives.

As we became teenagers and the focus of our life lens changed and shifted to a different perspective. I still cherished our friendship, but after our grandparents died it lacked the enchantment that the ranch brought to us. Boys, friends, places and thrills beyond our age had us traveling down different paths.

Her path must have been so painful and unbearable and I had no idea. Great gaps of time would existed between the occasions we would see each other and then an extraordinary gap and then she was gone. I know I’m not unique in the belief that I could have made a difference, but I’ll never really know, at least not in this lifetime. I loved her and wish I had told her.

Almost thirty years later, the wound is easily opened and will bleed profusely when the surface is disturbed. It still hurts in a place so deep it’s beyond description. Things happen in my life and I wonder how her life would be if she had not chosen to leave. My kids grew and I watched them blossom and find their own lives. I became a grandmother and I get to watch them being kids and growing. I adore and revel in the uniqueness of my family but sometimes I wish  she was here so we could share this beautiful time of life.

If I could go back and change it, I would find a way to save her. Somehow she would want to live because the anguish and heartbreak I, we, have endured is so unending. The weight of it bears down like a wet blanket, heavy and impossible to throw off.

The brightness I always see without fail though is her glorious smile. I imagine after all this time she is surely free and happy now and looks after all of us, praying from her place. I have to believe she’s at peace because I could not bear to believed she wasn’t. Those luminous glimmers make me smile.

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RemembeRED writing prompt:

“We all have them. Memories that we wish we could forget…things that we wish we could banish from our minds. Imagine that writing down your worst memory will free you of it.

What is it? – Why does it haunt you? – What could you have done differently?”